Outcast

I felt uncomfortable in a place that was supposed to be my home. I stood in the door. Head down. Suitcase by my feet. My entire family sat before me. Five brothers around a table eating dinner and they all stared at me with cold accusative stares.

“Come inside,” My father urged, coming in behind me with the trash bag I had crammed the remainder of my things in.

I had never met the man before that morning. He and my mother had a fleeting Terry. It was over before my conception was ever known. He wasn’t a tall man like I always imagined. At fourteen I was already an inch taller. And I didn’t look like the man. At all. I’d stared at him the entire twelve hour freakin ride wondering if the council had made a mistake. Then he took off his sunglasses. Sterling blue. Yes, he was the one to blame.

“Come on. They won’t bite.” My father guided me to the group in the kitchen. “This is Terry.” He introduced. “Terry these are your brothers. Shaun, Michael, Mitchel, and the two little ones are Samuel and Sloan.”

“He doesn’t look anything like us.” The one called Seth spat and got up from the table. He and Dean both looked close to my age, but I wasn’t sure which of them were older and if I was older or younger.

“This is my wife Meredith.”

“Hello, ma’am,” I addressed a lady who was really short. I mean not even five foot tall and she appeared frail. Dainty. She had this angelic face. Delicate doll features. Even her skin reminded me of porcelain.

“I’ll show you to your room, Terry.” She wiped tiny hands on her apron and I followed her. Her voice was soft. Kind even though I knew just looking at me caused her pain.

She took me up a flight of stairs that led to a tiny space. I wouldn’t call it an attic. It was barely big enough to be a walk in closet.

“We don’t have much room.” She sighed. “There’s barely enough room in the bedrooms the boys share so I cleaned this out for you. I know you’re used to having your own space and – well I thought this would be better.”

“Your kids don’t want to share a room with me.”

“No. No they don’t. But I’m sure they will change their minds about you soon.”

There was a bed. It took up most the space and a stand was by that. There was a window. I was happy for that.

“There’s no light up here.” She waved her hand over the flashlight on the stand. “You can keep this one, but try to conserve it. It takes those big batteries and they cost a lot. Just until your – father can run electric up here. We’ve only used it for storage.”

“I’m sorry that I caused you trouble, ma’am.”

I could hear the sadness in her voice even though she tried to be polite.

“Oh,” she let out a deep breath. “It’s not your fault, Terry. Henry – Henry was young in spirit for a long time.” A soft smile crossed her lips. “You must look like your mother. She must have been very pretty.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“I’m sorry you lost her.” She patted my hand. “I’ll bring you something to eat.”

And I spent my first night alone.

Meredith tried really hard to welcome me but she had experienced a shock. My existence was the only proof that her husband had cheated. It tore apart an entire family. If my mother hadn’t died in that car crash, no one would have ever known. One tragedy can destroy so many lives. I guess no one ever knows just how much their very existence controls.

***

The next day I was introduced to farm life. I came from a tribe. Well it wasn’t the kind of tribe people usually think of. We were a community. A small remote town. And we all came from the same blood line. The same heritage. Except me.

I was picked on all my life. I was a half breed. I thought I would find more acceptance in the outside world, but so far, my own family hated the site of me. At least in the tribe I had found refuge behind the doors of my own home. I had love in my own home. Now, I didn’t even have that.